2018 was a year of truth and acceptance.
Having re-read my last year’s 2017 review, one thing is very obvious to me. I was lying. Not lying to you, but lying to myself. I genuinely believed in everything I wrote last year, but it was basically all bunkem.
On January 1st last year I posted that 2018 had to be a year of change in many ways for me, otherwise it would never happen. At the time of writing that I thought I meant change in my circumstances and just generally looking after myself a little more. I think what I didn’t realise at the time that before I could get to those, I had to stop lying to myself.
At the tail end of 2017 I got, what I thought, was the answer to all my problems. A job back in the NHS. I thought it would fire my enthusiasm for nursing again and put a real fire back in my belly. Unfortunately, it let me down on several fronts and I blogged about it at the beginning of the year. When I left that job, I was pretty much done with nursing. However, with a bit of time and a bit of space I’ve realised that nursing and taking care of people is what I do. Without it, there is a little piece of me missing.
As the year wore on, and I had time to reflect and think about my life, somethings became clearer and clearer to me. I talk a lot about authentic and truthful blogging, and I am naturally drawn to those people lead really authentic and true lives. And yet I was doing neither myself. I was living a life that reflected other people’s perceptions of me. I was stuffing myself into a box that I thought other people would find acceptable. So for the last quarter of 2018, I decided to stop lying to myself. I know that some of my recent decisions have maybe made people question me, and I know some have even offended people. Telling everyone that writing was my passion, and I’d been secretly writing books for years was a major step in the right direction.
I also learnt that no matter how hard you convince yourself, you cannot live without friends. I’m not going to go on too much about it because I wrote a blog about it very recently, but honestly we do better when we have supportive and honest people around us! We really do.
Blogging hasn’t been high on my agenda this year, for various reasons. From May onwards we were planning and then building our extension. More on that in blogs to come later. That was a learning experience I can tell you! I started to write my first novel that I want published, I love to write romance and so of course it stands that this first novel is a love story. I wrote my First 500 Words into a blog. I got some really positive feed back, which in turn really motivated me! I now have the whole bare bones written, and with the editing process the First 500 Words looks a little different.
Where blogging was concerned I continued to lose faith. I really did get fed up with the back biting, bitching and the numbers game. I don’t have a huge following, but I do have a small but very consistent level of readership. For that I’m grateful. At the end of the day I love writing my blog. It doesn’t have a niche, it doesn’t bring me any money or opportunity but it does bring me joy. And ultimately I write my blog for me and the people who have remained loyal through all our little incarnations. And actually that’s enough for me. Just a little disclaimer though, I will carefully consider all opportunities that come my way, especially any offers to somewhere warm, sunny and serves gin 😉
So 2018 wasn’t the year I had planned for myself, but it was the year that I was given and am grateful for. I learned a lot about myself, and now I go into 2019 feeling the most positive I have in years. I truly believe that anything is possible, and the only thing that stops us achieving the things we want most, is ourselves!
I hope you all had a great festive period, and I wish you all the best for 2019!!