I have been varying degrees of overweight most of my adult life. Like most people I hate it, but I am stuck in a vicious cycle of a bad relationship with food!
I am not alone though, according to information from the NHS information centre, 6.4% of UK adults displayed signs of an eating disorder. That is a whopping 725,000. The trouble is many of us associate an eating disorder with a young teen girl, starving herself to the point of death. In reality eating disorders come in many different forms; Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, Emotional Overeating are just a few.
My own bad relationship with food has its roots firmly in my childhood, as with most eating disorders. My Mother battled her demons for many years by controlling her diet obsessively, and of course I observed from afar. Also in the late 70’s and early 80’s there was a train of thought that asthmatics would benefit from being kept underweight. I’m not sure what the exact rationale behind this was. At around the same time my Consultant decided to try me on a gluten-free diet. This wasn’t the gluten-free that we all know now. It wasn’t as simple as going to Tesco and buying semi decent food. The bread came in tins, and as you sliced it it literally crumbled into dust. My Mum would try and stick it all together with jam but it was truly horrid. During this time I lost a lot of weight because I just wasn’t eating. I was also hungry, very hungry. I may do a Facebook/Instagram live to explain this further but I hated feeling hungry.
I hated it how it made me feel; sick, dizzy, weak to name but a few of the things. I’d be clock watching, waiting for the next meal time. Once it was served I’d just literally swallow it, just to get rid of the horrid feeling of nausea. I stopped tasting food, I stopped enjoying it. It just became a means to an end. From there, food developed into a tool. A comfort tool. It made me feel better. So when I was having an emotionally difficult time, I used food to make be feel better. Before I knew it I had become an emotional over eater.
Despite trying to tackle this many times over the years, I always relapse. The first time I get upset or something doesn’t go quite the way I want it go, I devour my own body weight in food. Then I hate myself just a little bit more. It goes on and on. This year I was going to tackle this head on. I was determined not to be overweight and 40, but then I became pregnant. And now I can see 50 just starting to poke it’s head above the horizon, and I’m determined to be a fitty at 50 and definitely not a fatty.
So once again my journey starts next week. I will talk about how I intend to achieve my goals later on in other blog posts. I am determined to be successful this time and tackle this particular bunch of demons once and for all!