One of the techniques I’m trying to use to cope with my anxiety is being more in the moment.
This post is probably going up a bit later than it should have been. It’s been one of those posts where I couldn’t quite put into words what I wanted to say without sounding a bit away with the fairies. Anyway, the other day I was on a bit of a web wander, looking for meditation/breathing techniques to help with my anxiety and I came across this article. Certain elements of it really struck a chord with me.
I am constantly worrying about the future, and I am always trying to understand the past. But I never appreciate today. Worrying about the future I think is perfectly natural to some degree. I worry about the times we live in, and what that means for my children’s future. And their children’s future. I find myself raking over incidents and things people have said, and why seemingly good relationships just fell apart in the past. Wondering if I really was a horrible person, and am I still that person now? If that wasn’t enough, my brain rakes over my life as it is now. Sticking the knife in occasionally!
If I could put a microphone up against my head, even when externally I’m being quiet, I think the noise would be deafening. Of course this is not peculiar to me. More people than ever suffer with this cacophony of internal chatter. We are so over stimulated and distracted none of us really know how to switch ‘off’ these days. In a recent post I talked about The Uffington White Horse. This was a place I fled to many times as a late teen/early twenty-something when life was getting a bit overly complicated. I’d just sit up there, breathing the fresh air and just drinking in the countryside. At night you’d take a blanket, and just watch the lights twinkle around you and also hope that you weren’t sitting on sheep poo! As I read the article it slowly dawned on me, I couldn’t remember the last time I just breathed.
I think along the way, in the middle of fretting about baby routines, homework, adulting, work and generally keeping children alive I totally forgot that I need to breathe. I am constantly stressing about time, school time, tea time, bed time. All the time. As I get older I fret about how much time I have left to achieve all those things that I so desperately want to do. And yet I spend so much time fretting and not doing, time passes and I don’t achieve anything.
I procrastinate. If there was a medal for procrastinating I’d get gold every single time! I’d like to go to New York in December, but we’ve been messing about since Easter. However I am consumed by worry. I worry that the boys will hate us being away for so long, what if they get ill, what if I’m disappointed and it isn’t as magical as I think it will be. Will we end up going? At this rate probably not!!
But I’m trying really really hard, to live for today. Not days gone past, they are done. There is nothing that I can change about those days. And whilst I still worry about the future, I’m trying to think about it less. If I find myself going down that path, then I try to think about something going on today. Or I stop and watch my children, because time is passing for them as well. All in all I’m just trying to be much more mindful and listen less to those voices who talk A LOT in my head. Of course the other thing that I’m trying really hard to do, is to just breathe. To just stop and breathe!